Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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