I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
