aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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