I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
