We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
