I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
