im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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