Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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