i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
