So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
