How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
