That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
