Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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