I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
