I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're a waste of cheezeits
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
