No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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