very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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