Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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