Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
