you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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