Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
