if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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