When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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