People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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