life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
