They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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