Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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