i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
