u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
