my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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