I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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