I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize