I got chris browned last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
