Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
