You can't special order awesome
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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