i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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