Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Two words: nipple clamps
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