people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
