You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
