I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
