Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
