walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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