where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
another moral hangover. fuck.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize