i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
