someone get that fucking seahorse.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize