Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just gift wrapped bread.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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