at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
