she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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