I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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