don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
