come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
