dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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