So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
