Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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