If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Damn victory sex feels great
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