im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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