his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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