Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
