Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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