you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
