There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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