When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize