So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
