Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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