hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
