the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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