The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
