i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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