dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
