Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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