OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
