my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize