Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
