If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
