Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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