he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
