Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
