I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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