I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
