I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
