By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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