i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
