I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
