great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I party with great urgency now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
