found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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