New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
