my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
