I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
