Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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