At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
