he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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