What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
