Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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