I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
