Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
