I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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