is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
