it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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